Finding Meaning
I am fresh off a conference- which always allows ideas and thoughts to percolate in a whole new way.
I just attended the Evolution of Psychotherapy conference in California- where I was surrounded by thought leaders and visionaries in the field of psychotherapy. I went with one of my dearest friends and colleagues, and we left California far richer than when we arrived, grateful for our field and inspired by the work surrounding us.
What we were acutely aware of was that most of the keynote presenters were well over 70 years old. It was evident that in the field of therapy, experience makes all the difference, and age only increases our ability to understand and empathize with the complexity of humanity.
Age and experience also offer wisdom and humility. The ability to have compassion with all the parts of people, knowing that we will all have hard times and then even harder times, and all phases deserve compassion and empathy.
It is so incredibly moving to be with someone who knows they have acted in a way they feel ashamed of, and watch them feel seen, heard, and cared for, and then witness the layers of shame roll off of them as they are bathed in the relief of understanding.
We listened to Donald Meichenbaum PhD- the founder of Cognitive Behavioral Modification aka CBT, state (paraphrasing);
‘to be a good therapist is to know you are a good person, a quality person, but to always be questioning your ability as a therapist’ Being certain that your intention is for good, but being mindful about the importance and impact of your words. Humility in this field is required for excellence.
This very conference stands on the shoulders of Victor Frankl, who was the first to acknowledge and know acutely that finding your own sense of meaning is critical for your survival.
Martin Seligman, PhD spoke about the inception of positive psychology and the reality that when we can view setbacks as incentives and crises as fodder for new growth, we begin to feel vibrant about who we really are.
Renowned couples therapist Ellyn Bader, PhD, sat with the couples she worked with and managed to make both halves of the couple feel seen and safe, and she was able to find empathy and deep compassion for them regardless of the magnitude of betrayal that occurred.
Over and over again, we were struck by the importance of finding meaning. Meaning is the difference between simply living and feeling in your bones that you are living with intention.
The consistent message that the role of the therapist is to help people find and persevere for meaning in their life, to feel seen and loved, as well as be able to see and love. We were also struck, and immensely grateful that we have careers in a field where age is valued. Where experience is critical for the resumé and cannot be taught.
It made me reflect on what the role of the therapist is, how seriously I take that role, and recognize the power in the trust that is given to all therapists through our patients' vulnerability.
These giants in our field, during each workshop and film, thanked their patients and clients for their honesty, their trust, and their ability to challenge themselves even when it is so acutely uncomfortable to do so.
We all follow in the wake of these individuals.
Channeling their knowledge and their work sets the stage for therapy today. We are all just a part of this symbiotic process, and I deeply believe that therapy itself is intended for making meaning, inspiring growth, and believing in change.
