Free Bird

I was informed last week that “empty-nester” has been re-branded to “free-bird”. I like it. It feels lighter, less “lost”, more positive. But, it seems that society is all about rebranding and repackaging, constructing things to feel better and more palatable. 

The truth is separation and evolution are wonderful, but they also hurt.

Separation is hard.

Being a parent is hard.

Not just because of the grit of parenting, but because at a certain point, they are no longer under your roof and sitting at the dinner table. They are on their own, and you shift out of being a huge player in their lives to that of a spectator. A cheerleader no doubt, but quieter and less impactful in a daily way.

I am at a place in life where many of my friends have their first children leaving for college. When you age into a life phase, it is as if you see it for the very first time. The empathy around it changes, and the resonance is profound.

I am struck by the stark difference between having a child at home and one that is away.

The expectation of parenting today is that parents are on top of it. 

✅ Academics.

✅ Extracurriculars.

✅ Life lessons. 

So what happens when we drop them off at college and they are expected to just be on their own?

They get their own food, deal with their own feelings and don’t get into classes or do? Maybe they do or don’t struggle? It is far away from our nest, and the comfort and stability we provide. They have to manage on their own. 

I think the mourning of a certain life phase for parents is critical. We must take in how much work and effort and love it requires to raise children. We must feel proud and filled up by that experience.  But we can also approach the next life phase as that of being a free bird and not an empty nester.

Our children are an incredible thing, for many, they bring us more joy than we thought possible. However, in order to manage what is on the horizon I am seeing that we must never lose who we are in our parenting. Never lose what makes you tick.

The more engaged and passionate you are about your own life, the more your child’s progress and growth will feel full and free as opposed to empty and lonely.

It is also the way we model for our children that the intention of life is the pursuit of passion. The feeling of completion. Joy. We want it for us- and we want it for them. We also want them to see it in us. To feel our sense of meaning and purpose. This allows them the space to find theirs. 

Don’t fight the sadness in this shift. It means you have done your job profoundly well. Mourn the change of your children leaving. Don’t rob yourselves of that. You have earned it. But you have also earned remembering who you are.

What you would choose to do on any given day, is entirely decided by you. I also believe that the more joy you exude- the more those birds will return. My instincts tell me that free birding leads to an ever-expanding nest- not an empty one. 🪺 🆓